I Need Relationship Advice

"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213)
01/18/2014 at 23:28 • Filed to: None

And its for a friend (I SWEAR!) Anyone up who can talk???

DISCUSSION (34)

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:29

Sure.

scoob > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:30

Depends. I'm in one but I'm in high school so you probably don't think it's "real"?

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/18/2014 at 23:30

Thanks... my friend is thinking about getting into a relatiosnhip that I disagree with... I have been trying to tell him to avoid it and not do it, but he is not listening... is it wrong if I send him this message? "Then go for it... my adivce, my opinion cleary isn't valued too much.. you simply are lovestruck" he's a good friend but sometimes....

Stupidru > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:31

Why don't you tell us what's up?

POD > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:31

Sure.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > scoob
01/18/2014 at 23:32

Hell were both in HS too... maybe you could be of more help than you think!

My friend is thinking of getting into this relationship... hes in 10th grade.. shes in 8th grade (but was held back, actually 15 like us) Im against it and have been trying to tell him but he won't listen.. is it rude if I send this "Then go for it... my adivce, my opinion cleary isn't valued too much.. you simply are lovestruck" hes a friend but...

D > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:33

tinychat.com/jalopnik

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Stupidru
01/18/2014 at 23:33

My friend is thinking of going into this relationship I disagree with... Ive been trying to hint at it lightly but he isn't getting... I then made it clear that i wouldn't do it but he still wont get it... is it wrong to send him this "Then go for it... my adivce, my opinion cleary isn't valued too much.. you simply are lovestruck " hes a friend and all but still

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:33

No absolutely do not send that text. There is no benefit other than making you look like an ass. He's going to do it anyways, and then if it works out you'll always be the dick who told him not to date her. And if it doesn't work out the only benefit will be that you get to say I told you so which will also make you look like an ass.

It's his life, let him live it.

Bad Idea Hat > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:34

Your friend needs to make his own mistakes. I hate to say that, but anyone who doesn't want to listen to advice is going to need to learn at their own pace.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/18/2014 at 23:35

Thats what I figured. I dont want to lose a friend over this... but I think hes wrong...

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Bad Idea Hat
01/18/2014 at 23:36

Thats exactly what I think... hes just so damn lovestruck right now over this really bad idea... and Im trying to talk him out of it but he won't have any of it... it just sucks since he is a friend of mine

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:36

Dude you're in tenth grade, almost all relationships at that age are going to end poorly. You've already told him that you don't think it's a good idea, past that it's his own life and he has to be responsible for it.

BrettAM > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:37

I wouldn't send such a message. You're making the issue about yourself and not what is in THEIR best interests. You've offered what almost amounts to an ultimatum with the "my opinion clearly isn't valued" line.

I'm assuming that they are a grown adult who can make decisions on their own. You can do your best to offer rational advice, but ultimately they're making their own decisions. Do your best, but don't over step your boundaries as a friend. Most of us have made completely irrational decisions based on love/lust and they're some of the most powerful lessons you'll ever get to learn.

edit: I assumed the friend was male. Reworded.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/18/2014 at 23:39

that is exactly how I feel.. it just sucks seeing a friend get hurt sometimes...

the whole story is: he began dating this girl (a 10th grader) about a month ago.... when he was over at her house last week, he met her sister (whos in 8th grade but was held back). the sister likes him.. now him and the 10th grader broke up and he is thinking about dating the sister....

scoob > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:40

Oh ok haha, didn't know that!

Um I think that's a bad idea. How can someone get held back in middle school? Presumably she's either dumb or has done some very bad things.

Also, I don't think you should send that text.

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:41

Soooo stupid high school drama. It's not worth getting upset over, if it's a bad idea it will end quickly. But if you start sending texts like that you'll just piss him off and lose a friend.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > scoob
01/18/2014 at 23:42

My lgic exactly.. but like I said he will not listen.. hes lovestruck for some damn reason...

Stupidru > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:42

It's not any of your business what your friend does with his life. I know it sucks, but I've been there & done that. It's not worth it to argue with a friend over whoever he wants to be with

Alex Murel > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:42

RUN! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOUR FRIEND SHOULD RUN!

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/18/2014 at 23:44

It is exactly that... and shit I did just fuck it up: "THE FACT THAT YOU JUST GOT OUT OF ONE RELATIONSHIP.. one that you ended up pouring your heart into quite quickly if you ask me... and it backfired... and now you are thinking about dating her sister! The one you just broke up with.. there is quite a lot fucked up with that in my opinion.. and tell me here, why was she held back? Do you know the real full reason? Becuase I'd like to know at this point"

but in the end im sure its going to blow over anyway... i hope

scoob > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:44

I agree with Bad Idea Hat: if he doesn't want to listen, then let him "suffer". Even though he's your friend and it's kind of a bad idea...

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:45

I read your response to others, so I won't make you type it out again. I would tell him that you wouldn't, but I'd leave out the part about your opinion not mattering. You don't want bad blood with your friend. If it really is as bad as you say, it will implode, and you want him to be able to come to you.

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:47

Something that you will learn with time is that you need to let people make their own mistakes. You learn a lot more from failure than you do from success. Everyone has enough to stress about in their own lives without adding other people's shit on top.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Stupidru
01/18/2014 at 23:47

Its the sad truth.. he will be pissed now but when this one ends in a month like all of his others... he will be coming back to me

Where have all the lightweights gone? > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:49

Sometimes you have to let friends make dumb mistakes so they can learn from them. He'll quickly find out just how awkward it is to have an ex under the same roof. I experienced that dating someone whose ex was still living with her and trying to move out.

In the end, you have to grin and bear it. Be a good friend and if all doesn't go as well on his end, be the first one there for him.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/18/2014 at 23:50

That truly is great advice.. at this point I don't even care anymore.. I have enough on my plate as it is

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Where have all the lightweights gone?
01/18/2014 at 23:52

thanks.. that is honestly good advice...

DudeDoYouEvenPeanutButter > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:55

I'm going to be really honest with you: Being able to swing hooking up two or more sisters is considered an accomplishment. In time, you will truly understand why you shouldn't be worrying about it. Trust me.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/18/2014 at 23:56

Glad I could help. I've been in your situation where I was very vocal in one of my best friends in college getting back together with his ex, especially given the fact they got back together during a drunk dial. They ended up getting married, and I still don't talk to him all that much.

Marriokart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/19/2014 at 01:43

Don't send that text. One of my friend was dating this girl who I didn't get along with at all. I knew her somewhat well because we had been at the same school previously but he had only just met her. I said some stuff along the lines of what you were thinking of sending and I lost a friend because of it. Even though their relationship lasted maybe a month, he stopped being my friend and wouldn't talk to me. It has been 3 years since and were only just starting to become friends again.

saabstory | fixes bikes, breaks cars > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/19/2014 at 01:47

If you're still up and want to talk, I might be able to help you.

orcim > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/19/2014 at 04:42

As an aside, I'd like to point out the "why you care" issue. Us males, we have some built in wiring!

We (males) like to fix things, we like to have answers. I relate it to a provider/protector archetype, but whatevers. I've seen it in males for about 30 years, including myself. Losing the *need* to fix something in others is one of the most important things you'll ever learn, along with knowing *when* it's appropriate. And earlier in life is better for learning this little lesson. I think I was 45 before it happened, and I.So.Wish.I'd.Done.It.Earlier. Would have saved a lot of heartache and energy.

Supreme Kiwi Zorro > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
01/19/2014 at 15:54

I have two relationship advices for you. 1) Don't get involved. 2) It's his choice, and it should be respected. Cheers!